Can you wed with all the Colors of the Wind?

Did you ever get the super sized, more colors than you’ll ever need, I come with a sharpener so I’m automatically cooler than the rest of you, box of Crayola Crayons? Someone would ask if they can borrow a color and even though you have 64 (or if you were REALLY spoiled, you had the 96 box), you’d hoard them all to yourself because crayons break, people and no one can be trusted.

Screenshot from Crayola Website. Childhood jealousy not included.
Screenshot from Crayola Website. Childhood jealousy not included.

I’m currently immersed in this box. Like swimming in it. I’m that kid that is looking for a color and has found seventeen different versions of the color and I want to use them all.

A few years ago, I fell in love with rose gold. Like rose gold watch, rose gold bracelets, rose gold e’rything. And ever since then, all of my wedding dreams have circled around this particular color. Plus, you know. Pinterest.

I even found a Rose Gold Bridesmaid dress on Pinterest that was so simple and perfect and I loved it and wished I could be my own Bridesmaid to wear it too. I’m such a multitasker.

But now I’m in the giant Crayola box of Wedding Dreams and Decisions, and I have found a spectrum of pinks and roses and blushes and I love them all. It’s like someone put me into a room full of puppies and told me to only pick one.

Screenshot from
Screenshot from

How are you supposed to pink pick a color when you have a spectrum of friends in a variety of body types and skin colors and so many dresses that are available that you could bury yourself in a mass of tulle and lace?!

I’m sure you’ve come to the same conclusion that I have by now.

You’re not. Just pick all the colors. Take all the colors and use them because OMG, guys, bridesmaid rainbow.

Screenshot from

Looking at these dresses is currently my drug of choice. I’m completely obsessed with (Anthropologie’s Wedding Line, and I LOVE Anthropologie) and their assortment of wedding EVERYTHINGI’m stumbling across these names like Rose Gold and Cameo Pink and Blush and Rose Quartz and Rosewood and Palest Pink and Vintage Rose and does Crayola have a wedding line of crayons because they so should. I’d buy them in an instant!

I can’t wait the entirely too long period of time to get to see a slew of ladies walking down the aisle because then I GET TO WALK DOWN THE AISLE.

Wedding colors? Check.

Now to find the other colors to go with my Pinks because I doubt Rob will be willing to stand up in a blush suit or tuxedo.

…things to look up on Pinterest later, though.


P.S. Leave me comments. I like comments and I like responding. What were/are your wedding colors?!

P.P.S. High Five to my BFF Jenna for the name game today – I hope you were singing Colors of the Wind as you read this blog.

P.P.P.S. Check out some of my favorite Bridesmaid dresses from BHLDN. I’m thinking I want each of my ladies to get to pick their favorite pink and favorite style. THIS IS THE DREAM, GUYS. THIS IS THE DREAM.

Death by Cream Puff

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My mom is an RN who works about 5098572 hours a week, so when she and I both happened to have a day off, and she asked me if I wanted to go try on wedding dresses…

ZOMG, yes.

I was never the little girl that went around in a wedding dress made out of toilet paper (though I had to do that once at a wedding shower for a game, and HIGH FIVE, guess who won?!*) or planned out her wedding growing up, but HI, have you seen the pretty things on Pinterest?

We headed to David’s Bridal (who have since e-mailed me about a bazillion times) and walked in looking dazed and confused. We wandered about for a few minutes before an employee came up to us.

Her: Can I help you?

Me: Yes, is it possible to try on a few things?

Her: Do you have an appointment?

Mom: No.

Her: Hm.

Me: We can just browse.

At this moment, I waved the golden ticket of weding lore: the engagement ring.

Her: OH. Is it wedding dresses you’re looking at?

Mom: Yes, she just got engaged.

Her: Let me see what I can do.

Next thing you know, I’m in a room with six wedding dresses, a strapless bra/corset so intense it could protect me from a nuclear fallout, and some sort of under the dress poofy thingy that I’m not quite sure how to utilize.

Her: Do you need any help sorting things out.

Me [even though I can’t move my legs from the skirty thingy and cant breath in the corset thing]: …No…

Five Minutes Later:

Mom [in a whisper]: She’s gone, do you need help?

Me [in a strangled voice due to being held down by the power of MAWWIAGE]: YES.

I started trying on dresses and get lost in a pool of tulle and silk and lace and white and POOF. I strongly recommend just trying on wedding dresses if you’re ever having a bad day. Turns things right around.

Dress 1: Vera Wang Strapless Dress

Laura’s Brain: How do I even put this on?

Step over it? Nope. Now I have weird skirty parts up around my boobs. 

Lift it over my head? How do I even lift this up? Wedding is HEAVY. My god, how much does this weigh? Why is it so stiff? Oh my god, it’s standing on it’s own. The wedding dress is standing on it’s own.

Mom: Do you need help?

Me: NO.

Laura’s Brain: I probably need help. Unless I ditch the underskirt thing. FUCK THAT THING. Things are so much easier without so much poof. Oh my I’m in a dress. I’m getting married.


Vera Wang

Dress 2: Super Low Cut “I stole your bedazzler and found your wedding dress” Dress

Laura’s Brain: I feel like Russia loves this dress. THERE ARE SO MANY JEWEL THINGS ON IT. SPARKLE SPARKLE, BITCHE-

Ow.It just scratched me. Out, damn jewel.

But my boobs. They are just out there.  Cleavage for days.

Me: Hey, Mom, what do yo-

Mom: No.


Dress 3 – There is a dress. And then it’s got things glued on it. And more things glued on the things on the things.

Laura’s Brain: This thing has LAYERS. And LAYERS ON LAYERS AND LAYERS. I’m digging a hole to the center of the wedding dress. 

There are beads and lace and is that a flower? It is a flower, and I’m stuck in it. I am stuck. In the dress.

Mom: Do you need help?

Me [ tug. tug tug. TUG.]: I’m okay.

Laura’s Brain: Do NOT rip the expensive dress. Do NOT rip the things glued on the dress. WHY IS THERE SO MUCH STUFF ON THIS DRESS?!


Laura’s Brain: That is the sound made by finding a way into a multi-dimensional over the top dress reminiscent of Mugatu in Zoolander or Santino on Project Runway, Season Two.

Texts Picture to Meghan. This dress is so much insane.

Mom: Hm..

Me: Probably not.

Text from Meghan: Ew. EW.

Things on things on things

I walked out of David’s Bridal feeling accomplished. Like I’ve done something from the wedding checklist even if I didn’t buy a dress. 

Things we HAVE accomplished:

  • Wedding Hashtag

Oh, but hey. I’ve got plenty of time to find a dress.Because now there is one other thing we can check off the list — Especially now that we’ve finally set a date.




I’d like to add that I don’t think I will be choosing any of the dresses in photos I put online for my groom to potentially see if he reads my blog. This means you, Robert.


I think this is supposed to be the easy part.

Written while watching the unrealistic premise that Matthew McCo-How Hard is it to spell your last name and JLO would fall in love.

I’ve heard every side of this argument:

Wedding planning is easy, just do it in three months and it’ll all fall together.

Take as much time as you need, it’s your wedding, you should love it.

I had the worst time wedding planning because everything I wanted I couldn’t have.

But let it be known, from the beginning stages of these things, even with having wedding magazines and a wedding planning binder that Dana gave me with a much needed bottle of wine, it does not seem easy.

Case in point: we still have not picked out a date.

My original reasoning behind not picking a date was that there was a significant possibility that my older sister would be out of the country. Seeing as she’ll be my maid of honor, and she’s my sister, and when I was one, she taught be how to pee in the toilet, I insisted we wait to find out her plans.

My new reasoning behind not picking a date?

My sister has also offered to make invitations and save the dates for us which is awesome, except my mom says that we should send the save the dates and it’s hard to send the save the dates when there is. No Date. To Save.

Like, Dear Guests. Be Prepared. Marriage is Coming.

George R.R. Martin will not be invited to my wedding, btw.

Don’t get me wrong – I have made some progress.

I know what kind of bouquet I want, and I can picture my dress in my head but I just need to find it in real life because the emperor is NOT wearing clothes, and I have my colors picked out to the T because I love rose gold AND I have pinterest.

I just don’t have a date on which to put all of these magnificent pins.

Also, by the way, did you know you should have a place in which you get married?


The whole point of blogging

So, when I initially started blogging, which let’s be honest, was years and years ago despite the fact that I’m still not successful at it (probably your fault for not reading, not mine, at all.), I thought I needed a niche. I was a huge fan of The Bloggess and the fact that she was so freaking funny and I looked at myself and just thought,

You’re really fucking funny.

Except then my face looked back at me and replied,

Your face is really fucking funny.

Which was terrible because I had a zit the day I started blogging, which I couldn’t stop touching* and eventually imploded all over the side of my nose. I didn’t know how to deal with zits back then.

I always considered myself to be a fairly good story teller, and figured if I could just find a way to write down the things I say, I would basically story barf out a pile of success and good stories and she’s a writer, folks.

Point is, it was always supposed to be a funny thing that I did. Funny Blog. Humor Blog.

But then two weeks ago, my boyfriend did this thing where he got down on one knee and goes, “I’ve never done this before, but…” and then I started crying and he asked me to marry him and I cried more and the only thing I want to write down is ZOMG, I’m getting married, but I want to write it in big sparkly letters in all of my Gelly Rolls and then I want to blog about my impending nuptials and-

It’s supposed to be a humor blog, guys.

So now, I have this humor-ish blog that I want to write about a wedding on, and I have this boyfriend that I get to call a fiance now, and in the midst of all of this, when Rob asked me to marry him, my answer was, of course,

I said yes, right?

Please hold your applause.


*Don’t pop your zits.

The darnedest things, kids say OR STAR WARS SPOILERS HERE

I’ve never been a big fan of Star Wars. When I was in 8th grade, we took a class trip to Chicago, and watched whichever movie has Jabba in it. I remember taking one look at the screen, seeing Jabba in all his glory, and going back to reading Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, because Sirius Black for life, yo.

When I hit high school, my boyfriend at the time was in LOVE with the movies. When episode 3 came out, he insisted we see the movie. At midnight. I drew the line at costumes.

Upon learning I had never actually watched the movies, we pulled a marathon: all five movies in the day before the midnight premiere. This resulted in me being the biggest Star Wars fan ever –

And yes, By biggest fan ever, I mean I may or may not have fallen asleep in the Death Star. I caught all the important parts, babies being born and terrible rulers being put into masks that give them the inability to sneak up on anyone anywhere ever.

*insert heavy breathing here*

And that was the extent of my love for Star Wars. SIDENOTE, when I was pregnant with Boo, I was in the hospital, hopped up on my epidural, and sang Darth Vader’s entrance music when they brought down the giant light for birthing.

…but that could be a love for John Williams as much as for Darths Vader, Maul, and the guy that looked like Pope Benedict.

Thus, you can imagine my levels of glee when they announced this new movie.

Boo and Rob however, were ECSTATIC about it. Boo went with his Dad to see it, and Rob and I were hanging out when I talked to him about it.

Me: So how was it??


Me: What happened?


Boo: WELL, Han Solo DIED.

Me: …



Have you seen the latest Star Wars? What did you think?

Words to Live By

I was having a conversation with my good friend Dana today. We were discussing the finer points of adulthood and life, as 20somethings tend to do. Somewhere in the midst of our ponderings, I said to her…

true colors burn under fire.

The second I said it, I was thinking of how it relates to my own personality – how under pressure, we get frustrated, we get irate, we say things we may not mean. But It is those moments that are so poignant. Those moments that stick with us, that brand us, and help form us into who we are meant to become.


I paused to write it down, partly to text out my make shift calligraphy, but also to reflect on these words. I asked myself: How am I when I’m angry? How do I react under pressure?

It was in that moment that I promised to myself to do my best to stay calm, to stay focused, to stay true to the person that I am and to the person that I strive to be.


Blue and Yellow make Green but that doesn’t mean that we can be friends

Last Saturday was a big day in the state of Michigan. The big college rivalry football game happened Saturday afternoon, which means my office looked like a tailgate (and hosted one on Friday too) and that the trash talk is abundant. If you didn’t know that #GoBlue or #SpartyOn were common greetings, then you aren’t from Michigan, and now you know.


What. A. Game.

If you watched the game, or even the ESPN highlights that night, your face probably still looks like either this guy:

Or this girl:

Or if you’re the overly aggressive type, you went ALL SORTS OF CRAZY, and are a popular vine now:

I personally cheered for U of M, because when I was six, a girl in my first grade class told me that everyone needed to pick a side. Blue is, and was, my favorite color, so here we are.

Go Blue.

This was an insta-costume one year because I didn't plan well on what I wanted to be.
This was an insta-costume one year because I didn’t plan well on what I wanted to be.

I headed over with Rob and the Boo to my bff’s house to partake in all things football. Her husband, Dave had bags or cornhole or that new fangled version of horseshoes out, which I get steadily better at with every beer I drink. There were good people, and good beer, and a good game to watch, and most importantly, there was enough food to keep me full for days.

Jenna already recapped the game on her blog, and was snapchatting the festivities, and even caught a candid moment of me and the boyfriend, which I promptly screenshot and saved forever.

Snapchat, more like SNAPCAUGHT
Snapchat, more like SNAPCAUGHT

She and Dave asked everyone to bring a dish, since there were so many college football crazed fans heading over there. I normally make white chicken chili, as it’s my favorite kind of chili, and Jenna even cooked some up for me, since it’s easy to make and uber delicious. This time, however, I decided to branch out and make beef chili, since I’ve never done it before.

My friend Dana has been posting recipes on her blog, and I’ve realized that my cooking skills are sub-par, at best. So I googled around and found a recipe, and tweaked it around to my liking.

Then, just for shits and giggles, I snapchatted the whole thing, because #SnapCooking.

The beef chili actually turned out pretty well…to the point where my family ate it pre-party, and we brought meatballs to the tailgate instead!

Chili because Football, ala L.A.

  • 3 lbs ground beef
  • 2 onions
  • 2 garlic cloves
  • 2 cans kidney beans (drained)
  • 2 cans diced tomatoes
  • 1 can tomato sauce
  • 2 tablespoons chili powder
  • 1 tablespoon cumin
  • salt and pepper to taste
  1. Cook the beef, onions, and garlic thoroughly.
  2. Drain the beans.
  3. Add beans and tomatoes to your slow cooker.
  4. Add cooked mixture.
  5. Stir. Stir more.
  6. Add tomato sauce.
  7. Add sauces. Add more sauces ’til you like it. Get saucy.
  8. Cook on low heat four to six hours.
  9. Eat it. Eat it more.


Cue the Rockwell song, because somebody’s watching me.

Sometimes I wonder if there is more to those conspiracy theories that say, just like George Orwell told us:

Big Brother is watching you.

Every move you make, every breath you take, every text you send, or facebook profile you stalk, your phone is just compiling everything you do. Maybe after I die, they’ll have enough date to recreate my persona in digital form. I could live forever, guys. Maybe they’ll give me a different nose, too.

Case in point? Today I was reading The Washington Post, and I came across the following article:

Washington Post

Luckily, I’m 28, so I’d like to think that the majority of photos I’d be embarrassed of my grandmother seeing are untagged by now, if not taken down, only to be replaced by a plethora of look at all the things my kid does photos. So, if my grandma shows up on Facebook, I’m prepared for a healthy dosing of grammatical corrections and probably observations that my shirt is too short or my hair is too long.

The main point of this is that yesterday, the day before this article came out, I was having the following conversation with my father:

Grandma on Facebook

I have come to the following conclusions.

One. The internet is invading my head and using it for current events in The Washington Post.

Two. Grandma bought a iPad.

Grandma bought an iPad

Are any of your family members on social media?



Oh my heavens, Delan’s 7!

Last week Friday, my little booger decided to defy all of my orders and turned seven. That’s right. He’s growing up. I’ve since realized that no matter how hard you try, at multiple points in your child’s life, you will utter the phrase…

They just grow up so fast.

I’m a big, big, huge fan of birthdays, and since Delan has been with the same class for the past 4 years, we wanted to throw a friend birthday party.

Now, I’d like to begin the next thought with the fact that I am pro-inclusion. That means if you invite the class, you invite the whole class.

…Even if the whole class has 30 kids. I don’t know if you knew, but that’s a lot of kids. I was terrified that everyone would show up, and I’d have little kids up the wazoo, running around my house.

Hence, the need for an outdoor party. For Delan’s birthday, we decided to do a good ol’ fashioned drive in movie theater. Delan picked his favorite Pokemon movie, so that gave us more of a theme to go by (and re-using decor from when he turned one, and had the same theme!)

Rob brought over a trailer full of pallets and we put them together in kid-style movie theater seating, with the help of a little poly foam and felt covering. We had six pallets (2 x 3) for seating, and it managed to fit all of the kids just fine. We found a projector off of Amazon for a decent price – which aside from the projector’s sound being terrible, was a great buy. Rob had some speakers which we managed to hook up to get better sound.

Building Pallets

The day of the party, Delan gathered up all his pillow pets (because we have a zoo, featuring, but not limited to, Rally Al, the Chesire Cat, a glow in the dark puppy, the unicorn from Despicable Me, and a triceratops) and we put out blankets in case anyone got cold.

We had lots of kid snacks (fruit by the foot, twizzlers, popcorn, juice boxes) and I made pigs in a blankets and cheese bites (the following pin, minus the pepperoni) to give the kids something more substantial. Rumor has it that the grown ups ate most of those.

We ended up having 24 kids in total – which if you didn’t know – gets REALLY LOUD, REALLY FAST. The kids each got to take home party buckets that Delan’s dad and his girlfriend had drawn Pokemon faces on – there was a frenzy of bucket and Pokemon figure trading too, and that accounted for a lot of the noise.



I’ve never used the…

-if you can hear me, clap once-

…trick so many times in a night. The kids were pretty well-behaved though, and once the movie started, I was amazed [and thankful] that most of them settled down. Kids that got antsy were allowed to play in the backyard – they had glow sticks for when it got dark(Delan’s dad found Pikachu themed ones!) and it looked like a mini rave, watching them play back there.

Glow SticksFullSizeRender (7)

The one thing I didn’t realize until after the party was that I had taken almost no photos, which is most unlike me. Here’s this Pinterest worthy party I’ve put together and no photo evidence to show all that hard work.

…which brings me to ask…Delan Letters

If a party is thrown in a forest, and no one Pinterests it, wasn’t it ever really thrown??


8:15 am

There was a moment for me.

It was back in 2008. July 4th, which has always been one of my top three holidays. I was there with a group of friends who had been going to Reed’s Lake in East Grand Rapids for years together now, since we were in high school. My best friends, Meghan and Colleen. Colleen’s boyfriend Bob, another of our high school crowd.

July 4, 2008

I was seven months pregnant.

I was wearing baggy clothes – giant sweatshirts and shorts a few sizes up since I was finally starting to show a preggo belly. I was self conscious and scared and while I knew I was going to be a mom, I didn’t know if I was ready to be a mom. After all, I was newly 21. I wasn’t married. I was living at home with my parents who I had only told I was pregnant a few months before.

My dad’s response: “I know.”

I had been to counseling, both with my parents and on my own, trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I was going to be a mom. I had been to countless doctor’s appointments, where my OB-GYN would tell me I needed to eat ice cream – that was my homework, since prior to becoming pregnant, I was an unhealthy 98 pounds. I’d been in for more NST tests than I could remember, singing Matt Nathanson’s Angel with the sound of his heartbeat. I’d watch my stomach rolling around when my son twisted and kicked and would ask him if I could do this, because I had no idea if I could.

So there we were. Late night, by the water. We were sitting by this giant pine tree that we always tried to avoid, since it would block our view of the fireworks. The mosquitoes were out and we sat there, waiting for these fireworks. One of the things I love about fireworks – you always know that they’re coming, but you never know exactly when it will be. There’s that anticipation where you’re just watching the night sky, waiting for that first boom.

And when they came that year, when that first firework blasted off into the sky. That’s the moment.

That first boom, when the ground shook a little beneath us, and we saw that firework go off, and Delan, seven months in my belly – he felt it too, and he kicked back.


I’ve never been so excited in my life. That moment, when my little baby heard and felt the fireworks – one of my favorite times of the year – and told me he knew it was happening. I told Colleen and Meghan, and they felt my stomach, felt him kicking back to every time a firework went off in the sky. I cried.

I knew I could do it.

I knew I was a mom.

And I told him then, “You and me, we are going to be just fine.”September 18

Today, that little baby bump turns 7 years old. At 8:15 am. 7 years ago, Delan came into the world, not quite as loud as those fireworks, but with just as much of a boom. Like everyone says, they grow up so fast.

Happy Birthday to my little man.

Septeber 18, 2015